Where I’ve found myself time and time again is in a position trying to take control of my life. Over the little or big things. The way I spend my money, the plans I have for my future, the things I need to get done in a day.
I want efficiency and organization. I observe the lives of others who appear so well put together, so efficient. These people are hard workers, and they’ve got their lives together. Even the unexpected, hard things that come up in their lives aren’t nearly as messy as the ones I experience; they must handle them with so much more grace than me. And we shouldn’t be lazy, right? That’s a bad thing, so of course I need to keep moving, get more things done, make life even more tidy and under my control.
How naive I can be sometimes…
Name one person who actually has control over his life. It’s such an illusion. Perhaps we could name a handful of people who seem like that to us, but don’t let yourselves believe a false hope that tells you there’s a person in this world who’s got everything perfectly together. And please don’t promise yourself that one day you’ll have everything under control and things will finally be well.
My roommate and very best friend told me something recently that has been so helpful to remember. She was describing a weekend of hers that went completely differently than she’d expected. At first, it unsettled her, and the disappointment started to creep in. But then she shared with me that although things didn’t go the way she’d planned, God wasn’t alarmed. Our Plan B is always God’s original Plan A. We don’t need to worry that the best didn’t happen, and that if things had only gone our way, we wouldn’t be missing out on something. God’s Plan A is always better than our plans (A-Z).
Control is too tame. It is boring, complacent.
Control is suffocating.
We’ve become so used to this management style of living that we don’t take the time anymore to dream.
The coolest thing about dreaming, and what makes it such a polar opposite of control, is that it possesses the kind of magic to humble us. Control makes us feel entitled. We expect things to happen our way; we want them to go just as we desire. And when they don’t, we are angry. We are rigid in our plans and expectations. However, dreaming puts us beneath the aspirations we view as higher than ourselves. A dream should seem impossible. It should scare us. But it should also ignite a fierce flame within us that makes all of life come alive, filled to the brim with the excitement and humility that a big vision sets before us. Has control ever done that to anyone?
When I came to this realization that I have become entirely too content with complacency and control, I knew that I needed to change, but I didn’t have a deeply rooted desire to do so. There was nothing grabbing my attention, no dream that I really wanted to shoot for. But I remembered this thread of truth that gave me hope. “God is the giver of dreams.”
So for now, here my hope rests. Here reside the beginning sparks of a flame waiting to be lit. Something big is coming, and it’s going to be totally and wonderfully out of my control.