I am good at making lists. Really, if this was a profession, I would have found my calling. I think I actually annoy the less organized people in my life because of it. Even from the time I was in elementary school, I would make a list the night before school, writing on my dry erase board “1) Get dressed, 2) Eat breakfast, 3) Go to school…” as if somehow I needed that reminder the next morning.
I think for me there’s just some satisfaction that comes from “checking something off” a list. That’s why I hate big projects – they’re so not easy to quickly cross of my to-do list for the day. That’s also why I procrastinate and do all the little, easy things and then never have time for the bigger, more important ones.
But there’s something on my “list” I don’t need to quickly check off each day, and yet I’ve fallen in to the temptation to do so. With starting a new job, I’ve really slacked in spending time regularly with Jesus. It has been sporadic, not routine, and many times hurried. But since the month began, I wanted to make sure to prioritize this – not as something to simply “check off” my list but because I know I need that time, and it can easily get pushed to the back burner in the midst of busyness.
So since the beginning of this month (the three whole days of it…), I’ve been sure to carve time out to specifically spend with God. But tonight I realized that while, yes, I have kept to my resolution of having intentional time with the Lord, it has always been my “leftover” moments. That’s a generic term, and I cringe to use it, but it’s so true for me. I spend time with God either in the morning – in the 15 minutes I give myself to eat some breakfast, pack a lunch, and grab a coffee to go – or I spend time with him at night, after my eyelids have drooped significantly from tiredness and my concentration has noticeably declined.
What good is a resolution if you only give it your halfhearted effort? As I mentioned in a previous post, I’m also taking this month to write daily, yet the three days in a row that I’ve done that, it has been around 11pm when I am so tired and eager to get some sleep.
My lists are no good if they only provide me with a set of tasks to keep me busy and distracted while in the meantime I fail to give God my best moments of the day – the times when I am most likely to be keen, focused, and attentive.
Looks like I need to make a new list.